Brain Dropings

Hunnik mõtteid raamatust "Brain Dropings" (George Carlin)just for safekeeping...

 "The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember."

"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it."

"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away."

"If something in the future is canceled, what is canceled? What has really happened? Something that didn’t occur yet is now never going to occur at all. Does that qualify as an event?"

"Here’s another one. You’ve never been to your friend’s place of work, but you’ve pictured it. Then he changes jobs, but it’s a similar job. Do you bother to change your mental picture of where he works? By how much?"

 "I frankly don’t give a fuck how it all turns out in this country—or anywhere else, for that matter. I think the human game was up a long time ago (when the high priests and traders took over), and now we’re just playing out the string."

"I enjoy describing how things are, I have no interest in how they “ought to be.” And I certainly have no interest in fixing them. I sincerely believe that if you think there’s a solution, you’re part of the problem. My motto: Fuck Hope!"

"And it’s always that same shit, soft rock! That sucky, non-threatening, easy-listening pussy music. Soft rock is an oxymoron. Furthermore, it’s not rock, and it’s not even music. It’s just soft."

"What to tell to the waiter: Instead of asking for a glass of water, say you’d like a “cylindrical, machine-blown, clear drinking vessel filled with nature’s own colorless, odorless, extra-wet, liquid water.”"

"I’ve begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It’s there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There’s no mystery, no one asks for money, I don’t have to dress up, and there’s no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to “God” are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate."

 "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. “Tom, I’d like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.”"

"Names are important: Suppose there had been a really outstanding eighteen century composer who was better than Beethoven, Bach and Mozart combined. But his name was Joey the Cocksucker. Do you think he would be famous today? “And now, Eugene Ormandy conducts the Philadelphia Orchestra as they perform the Requiem Mass in C-sharp Minor, composed by Joev the Cocksucker.”"

"By the way, you don’t actually have to do all these things they’re just suggestions. Think them over first. Sit down, have six or seven vodkas, and give them a few seconds thought."

"So stuff is important. You gotta take care of your stuff. You gotta have a place for your stuff. Everybody’s gotta have a place for their stuff. That’s what life is all about, tryin’ to find a place for your stuff! That’s all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn’t have so much stuff, you wouldn’t need a house. You could just walk around all the time.So when you get right down to it, your house is nothing more than a place to keep your stuff. . . while you go out and get . . . more stuff. ‘Cause that’s what this country is all about. Tryin’ to get more stuff. Stuff you don’t want, stuff you don’t need, stuff that’s poorly made, stuff that’s overpriced. Even stuff you can’t afford! Gotta keep on gettin’ more stuff. Otherwise someone else might wind up with more stuff. Can’t let that happen. Gotta have the most stuff."

"Only things to take to the trip: Money, keys, comb, wallet, lighter, hankie, pen, cigarettes, contraceptives, Vaseline, whips, chains, whistles, dildos, and a book. Just the stuff you hope you’re gonna need. Actually, your friend’s sister probably has her own dildos."

"In fact, I love watching cigarette smokers in their sad little sealed-off areas, sucking away, deep lines in their faces, precancerous lesions taking hold, the posture and body language of petty criminals. You know what you do with these people? Give ‘em free cigarettes. Let ‘em smoke. Offer them a light! And you hope each one of them gets a small, painful tumor right in the middle of his body so it can grow in six different directions at once. And you pray they get a doctor who doesn’t believe in painkillers, and their insurance runs out. I think people should be allowed to enjoy themselves."

"Here’s a sign I don’t like: Authorized Personnel Only. Now, if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I am definitely not authorized. I wouldn’t even know where to go to get authorized. Can you do it by mail? Wouldn’t baptism sort of authorize you? It doesn’t matter; I go through the door anyway. If I get stopped, I say, “Well, I may not be authorized for this, but I am authorized for other things. And your sign doesn’t mention which things.”"